History
by soaimagines
Summary: When Juan Carlos left Queens you didn't know where he went, or why. Little did he know you weren't the only one he left behind.
1. Chapter 1

**History**

You gazed out the window, watching the raindrops make their way down the glass as you absentmindedly drew aimless lines over a page in your notebook. Mornings definitely weren't your thing and maths this early? On a Monday? No Thankyou! Your mind snapped back into focus as you heard the classroom door open.

"Ah Mr Ortiz, glad you finally joined us,"Mr Jones said without looking up from his textbook.

You looked over at the 'Mr Ortiz' that had just entered the class in his usual fashion- half an hour late.

You smirked slightly as your eyes ran over him.

 _Juan Carlos Ortiz._ He was the perfect 'bad boy' and you'd been drawn to him since the first day of high school. You were best friends, had been ever since he sat next to you on the bus that first day. He was there for you when your mum died, and your dad had taken a job on a fishing boat up in Alaska. As far away from the house filled with hurtful memories, and as far away from you. Juan was all you had left to make you fell at home and he was your world. But he didn't know the way your heart skipped a beat when he looked at you or the way your whole body burnt when he flirted with the other girls. He knew all your secrets and your hopes and dreams. He knew your fears and all your quirks. He knew how you were afraid of heights and how you hated the cold.

And you knew everything about him.

You knew how he loved speed but hated slowing down. How he loved being around his friends but he hated being alone. You were hopelessly in love with him, but that was one secret you'd never told him. You knew he didn't feel the same way about you and you couldn't risk losing him, he was the closest thing you had to a home.

He met your eye as he slid into the chair next to you, grinning widely.

"Hey bubba"

"Hey juicy" you grinned back, rolling your eyes at his bloodshot eyes and goofy grin, knowing he was stoned off his face.

You passed him your notes you'd written down off of the whiteboard so thathe could copy them and slid back in your chair, your mind drifting off once again.

A little while later the bell rang out and you stood, slinging your backpack over your shoulder and followed Juice into the crowding hallway.

"You coming to the party tonight?" He asked you as you both headed towards your lockers.

"Yeah, I'll be there," you said as you opened your locker and swapped your textbooks for your gym gear. "Gotta hold my title"

"Queen of beer pong" he chuckled. "Maybe it's time for me to reign"

"Ha! In your dreams juicy" you called as you shut your locker and walked backwards down the hall grinning at him.

He watched you as you winked at him before turning around, smiling to himself as he watched your ass walking away. He sighed as he saw a guy from class, one of your buddies drape his arm over your shoulder. He had no right to be jealous, you were his best friend. But he couldn't help the jealousy burning inside him as he watched the two of you laughing and shoving each other playfully.

"You ever gonna tell her bro?" He turned his head and saw his friend Scotty standing there staring at him with one eye brow raised.

"We're just friends" Juice snapped, slamming his locker and walking away.

"Yeah, friends that are in love with each other" Scotty said to himself as he rolled his eyes and followed Juice down the hall.

Your throat burned as you threw down another shot, but you laughed tilting your head back.

"And she wins again," you yelled, lifting your hands above your head as Scotty picked you up by the waist and spun you round. Both of you grinning and laughing at the defeated look on Juices face who was glaring at you from across the table.

"Ohh come on Juicy, next time you can be on my team and you can actually win for once" you winked at him as you headed outside for some fresh air.

You sat outside on a picnic table and lit up your smoke, looking up into the starry Queens night.

You felt the table shift slightly as Juice sat down next to you.

"Hey Bubba" he said as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

You leaned into his chest. You loved the smell of him, his natural scent mixed with weed and cologne.

He kissed your head and squeezed your arm and you turned your head, looking up into his soft brown eyes.

He smiled down at you and grabbed your cigarette, taking a long drag before passing it back to you.

Your eyes met as you lifted the cigarette to your lips.

"You doin okay bubba?" He asked you softly

You smiled at the nickname. He knew it was what both your mother and your father had called you and you knew when he said it he was saying it with love.

"Yeah Juicy, I'm doing okay" you said softly.

He stared you down with those big brown eyes that melted your heart.

"(Y/n) your my best friend, you know that"

You smiled and nodded at him.

"You know you can tell me what's going on"

You sighed and took another drag of your smoke. He always could read you like a book. Normally you were the life of the party, you could drink the big boys under the table and you had everyone around you laughing. But he'd watched you tonight and noticed your smile didn't reach your eyes and you'd been downing more alcohol faster and harder than normal.

It's been six months since your father left and you'd been holding it together as best you could. Usually he came back at least once a month but this time it had been different. He had called and made excuses.

Apparently there were just too many fucking fish in Alaska, and he just couldn't take a break. Of course you knew it was all an excuse. He couldn't bare to be in the house without your mother and he couldn't handle looking after you.

You understood, in a way. It was hard for you too. You missed the little touches your mother left around the house, the faint smell of burning incense or bleach from all the cleaning she'd done.

But now a layer of dust coated most of the house and no matter how warm the house was, it always felt cold.

Juice helped, he crashed with you all the time but he had his own home and you spent too many nights alone.

You had been smoking weed since you were fourteen, casually on the weekends or before a big movie marathon.

But lately you'd been smoking every morning, every afternoon and every night.

As often as you needed to. As long as you were high you were numb and it dulled the empty feeling that filled your heart.

"Juicy, I'm fine" you said leaning into his chest.

He pulled you back and forced you to look in his eyes

"Really (yn)? You're good at lying but not to me"

"Don't Juan, please, not tonight" you whispered as you finally bought your eyes to meet his.

He nodded slowly as he stared into your eyes, you couldn't help but notice the tears forming in his.

"Okay bubba, we'll talk tomorrow. But just let me say something. You are my best friend (y/n), I will never leave you. You are so god damn beautiful but you need to stop treating yourself like this. I'm sorry (y/n), I should have been here for you" he whispered, his voice cracking as he ran his hands over your hair and held your face gently.

"No Juan, don't apologise. It's me. I'm fucked up Juicy," you laughed bitterly as tears rolled down your cheeks.

"No! No you are so beautiful to me (y/n). I'd be nothing without you. I will always look after you" his fingers wiped your tears away as his own began to slide down his cheeks

You lifted your eyes to meet his. You both stared at each other, getting lost in the moment.

You glanced down at his lips, licking your own, before looking back at his. You slowly moved your head closer, closing the gap between you and finally your lips met.

He didn't move at first, he was too shocked.

But then the reality kicked in and your mouths moved together in perfect harmony.

You felt a fire start within you as you wrapped your arms around his neck, tears still sliding slowly down your cheeks.

He held your head to his with one hand, the other sliding down and wrapping around your waist. Everything he had ever wanted in life, he found in you. He never thought hed be kissing you under the stars, but he held on to you tightly, never wanting to let you go.

Eventually you came up for air and you looked into his eyes again.

"(Y/n)" he whispered softly, a warm smile spreading on his lips.

Suddenly it hit you what you'd just done: thrown yourself at your best friend who didn't love you the way you loved him because you were drunk and upset.

"I'm sorry," you whispered as you stood up, backing away.

"Bubba, it's okay. Stay"

"I'm so sorry, Juan." You whispered before you spun around and ran inside. You heard him calling your name as you ran but you carried on, your cheeks burning red.

You had never learnt cry with style. To cry silently and beautifully, like the girls in the movies, with pearl shaped tears rolling down your cheeks and wide luminous eyes. You wished you had. Then you would have been able to cry in front of people, instead of in bathrooms or empty bedrooms, among the party coats on the bed. You turned into the bathroom, dragging the couple that was making out on the bench and shoving them into the party before you slammed the door shut behind you and locked it. You pressed your back against the cold wood and slid your body down until you were hugging your knees. Your sobs took over your body and you stayed like that for a long time.

"Dammit (y/n), you really fucked up this time" you thought to yourself as you pulled yourself up, staring at your reflection in the mirror.

What were you thinking? Juice didn't love you like that. You'd just ruined your friendship and now you truly had no one.

You turned the faucet on and splashed water on your face.

You took a deep breath in dabbed your face dry on a hand towel before turning for the door.

You turned the handle and walked into the party, brushing shoulders as you made your way to the kitchen to grab another drink.

"Where's your girl?" Scott asked as he walked over to Juice, who was sat on the table outside with a joint and his face in hands.

He looked up and glared at his friend.

"I dunno man. We were out here talking then we kinda kissed-"

"YOU SLY DOG!" Scotty yelled, spitting out his beer and slapping Juice on the shoulder.

"Finally grew some balls eh bro?"

"Nah man it's not like that," Juice said shaking his head as he grabbed his bottle of whiskey and took a long swig. "We kissed and it was great, better than great! But then she freaked out and ran off"

"Ahh shit man, I'm sorry. Atleast you know how she feels now though right? You can move on" Scott said as he sat on the table next to Juice.

"Yeah I guess so man. I dunno, I just.. I thought there was a chance she felt the same" Juice said sadly as he took a long drag on his joint before passing it to his friend.

"C'mon bro, plenty more pussy in that party!" Scott grinned at him, punching his shoulder and dragging him back inside.

The minute they walked inside the house Scott spotted two girls standing by the stereo and walked over, dragging Juice with him.

You slammed back a shot, then another. And another. The guy you were standing next to passed you a rolled up note and pointed to the bench where he had a small pile of white powder and four lines of the same powder drawn up. You smirked taking the note and pressing it to your nostril as you lent over the bench, lining it up with the start of the line. You snorted all four lines straight after the other and threw your head back, closing off your nostril and sniffing deeply. You laughed as you felt the drugs hit you. You felt light. You felt all your problems float away from you and you raised your arms over your head and swayed your body to the music.

The guy next to you laughed and wrapped his arms around your waist.

Your eyes fluttered open as he turned you around to look at him. But your eyes drifted past his face and your eyes widened as you saw Juice outside, with a blond girl wrapped around him and her tongue down his throat. His hands roamed over her body and you felt your body shake with jealousy and anger.

"There a problem, babe?" The guy standing in front of you asked, an eye brow raised.

You could smell the alcohol on his breath and you gulped. Right now, you didn't care who he was.

"No." You whispered and smashed your lips against his. He didn't waste any time and grabbed your ass, his tongue exploring your mouth. He lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist as he sat you on the counter and ran his hands under your shirt.

"Get. Off. Her"

The guy you were kissing was ripped away from you.

You looked to see a seething Juice staring at him. His fists clenched and knuckles white, his whole body shaking with rage.

"Fuck off Juan," you laughed, the whiskey and drugs taking over you.

He glared at you and grabbed your wrists, pulling you off the bench. He dragged you through the crowd and out the front door.

"Jesus Juan slow down" you slurred.

He stopped abruptly and spun around, his face inches away from yours.

"What the fuck are you doing (y/n)? Your the girl who fucks drug dealers in kitchens now?" He yelled into your face.

You pushed him away and laughed.

"What's it to you juice? Why do you care who I fuck? Thought you'd be busy with that blond skank anyway" you yelled back at him.

"I fucking love you!" He yelled back.

His whole body froze and his eyes went wide.

"What?" You whispered.

He sighed and looked at his feet.

"I love you (y/n). I'm in love with you"

You stared at him, your mouth opening and closing as you tried to find words.

"Look forget it." Juice growled and turned around.

You watched him walk away as a smile spread over your face. You ran after him and tears streamed down your face.

He turned around as he heard your footsteps approach.

Before he could say anything you threw yourself into his arms and kissed his lips with such passion.

He stood still, only his mouth moving against yours before he gently pushed you away, his eyes studying your face.

"I love you Juan," you whispered breathlessly. "I've been in love with you for five fucking years"

His smile grew wider than you'd ever seen it and his lips crashed against yours as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him tighter.

You had never felt happier.

 _You were home._

You threw your bag to the ground as you walked through the door, kicking off your shoes and laughing.

"I'll see you soon then Juicy," you murmured into the phone, walking into the kitchen.

"Yeah babe, just gotta drop something to the club and I'll be there" you heard his voice say, your mind focusing on what you could make with the few ingredients left in your empty fridge.

"See you then babe. Love you"

"Love you more bubba," you smiled and hung up.

Eight months had passed since that night on the street, where you'd both confessed your love for each other, screaming about love on the streets of Queens. You'd been going strong, falling more in love everyday. There was definitely an advantage in dating your best friend. You already knew each other inside and out so there was no awkward getting to know each other stage. You spent all your time together, laughing and playing video games. Getting stoned and watching the sex was great.

Juice had been hanging out with a new crowd, a club ("they're not a gang bubba") and had been helping them out with some stuff, running a few jobs here and there.

He was good with technology and he'd set up a bunch of security cameras for them, ensuring that they only transmitted the footage and didn't record.

It made you slightly nervous, you knew that it was dangerous. But it's not like Juice was patched in, he wasn't even prospecting and so you didn't need to worry too much.

You spent most of your time studying, determined to graduate with flying colours. Not so you could go to a good college, but so that you could do your mother proud.

"I'm home babe" you heard your man call out. You smiled hearing his voice. He'd been crashing at yours nearly night and you two joked about making it official and putting up a white picket fence outside.

You ran down the hall and leaped into his arms, wrapping your legs around his waist.

He laughed and grabbed your hips, pushing you against the wall as he kissed your lips deeply.

"I love you (y/n)" he whispered into your neck.

"I love you too Juan Carlos" you moaned, your eyes closing as you felt his lips moving against your soft skin.

 ** _-Two months later-_**

"Where the fuck are you juice" you thought to yourself as you slammed the remote back down on the couch.

He was supposed to be home hours ago but for the third time this week he was a no show.

Lately he had been hanging round that club more and more and was even talking about being a prospect for them. He was never home and it had started to cause issues in your relationship.

You still loved him. God, you loved him so much but you hated being left alone and whenever Juice did actually show up you'd usually just fuck and fall asleep, too tired to fight.

Your graduation was coming up and you were focused on that- one of you had to be. Juice hadn't been to class in months and you knew he didn't care.

You heard the door open and close and heard his heavy footsteps nearing the lounge.

"Hey bubba," he said as he leant over and kissed your lips.

"Where've you been Juicy?" You asked looking up at him.

He sat down next to you and grabbed your hands, forcing you to look at him.

"Look (y/n), I've been helping the club out you know that." You nodded. "The thing is I did some stuff for them- nothing major they just needed me to end some shit. The cops got involved and I'm getting charged. It's only four months instead of two years but I need to be honest with you," he looked at your face which was stone cold.

"Seriously Juan!" You muttered and stood up, dropping his hands.

"It's just something I gotta do, for the-"

"For the club, yeah it's always for the fucking club!" You shouted as you paced back and forth. "What about us Juan?"

"I love you (y/n). I do. Look it wont be for longand il be out before you know it. I know your angry but I go tomorrow"

"Tomorrow?" You whispered finally meeting his gaze.

He nodded slowly and stood, walking towards you and pulling you into his chest.

"Tomorrow. I'm sorry baby. I didn't wanna tell you cause we thought we could get out of this. But you can visit me and il write to you. It's only four months and il be out"

You nodded against his chest knowing you had no choice. He turned your head towards him and kissed you deeply before leading you to the bedroom.

You couldn't help but smirk as he turned you round and lifted your shirt.

"You are so beautiful babe," he whispered as you blushed.

You kissed his lips as he ran his hands up your body and undid your bra, dropping it to the floor before taking your left breast in his hand.

"Only four months," he whispered into your ear, nibbling softly at your ear lobe.

"Yeah babe, only four months." You pulled him back and smiled at him before pushing him back on the bed.

"Fuck!" You yelled as you sunk to your knees, your hands gripping the pregnancy test tightly.

"Fuck!" You yelled again.

Juice had been gone for two months and after missing your period you'd freaked out and bought a test, never really thinking you could actually be pregnant. Yet here you were, kneeling on your bathroom tiles yelling at the positive test.

You and Juice had never discussed having children, shit you were still a child yourself. You knew he'd want to keep it and you did too, but the way things had been lately you weren't sure if you wanted to bring a kid into the mix. Juice would be a great father, he'd grown up without one and you knew he would give your baby the world.

But you had never discussed this.. and what if he wanted you to get rid of it? Or rid of you?

You dropped the test into the trash bin and grabbed the other box off the counter. You had to be sure.

Sitting at your dining room table your fingers tapped rapidly on the hard wood. You'd skipped school today, your mind too scattered after last nights events: three positive pregnancy tests.

Today you were going to visit Juice. You weren't sure if you were going to tell him yet. Maybe you'd wait till he got out, it was only another two and then you could tell him properly.

You jumped as you heard the front door open, your heart leaping. You slowly stood, and walked towards the front of the house.

Juice stood there, his head hanging low as he slowly shut the door behind him. He didn't see you watching him as he kicked off his boots.

"Juan," you whispered.

His head snapped up at the sound of your voice.

"What are you doing here (y/n)" he said coldly, his eyes not meeting your gaze.

"The fuck you mean what am I doing here! What are YOU doing here?" You bit back as you started nearing him.

"I got out early," he said flatly, pushing your hands away as you reached out to him.

"What's going on Juicy?" You asked, putting your hands on your hips.

He sighed, shuffling his feet. He was nervous.

Finally he met your gaze and you gasped at the cold look in his brown eyes.

"I'm leaving (y/n)"

You laughed nervously. "Baby what are you talking about?" Your voice shook as you stepped closer to him, your hands dropping to your sides.

"I'm going. Now. I thought you'd be at school. I was going to leave a note."

"A note?" You scoffed "Juicy whatever's going on, I'm here. I can come with you. It's me and you Juan" you reached out for him again and this time he let your hands reach him.

He didn't say anything, just stared at his feet, his jaw twitching.

He slowly grabbed your wrists and removed them from his body.

"You can't come with me" he said, his voice colder than you'd ever heard it.

"Please baby, tell me what's going on" your voice cracked as tears ran slowly down your cheeks.

"I don't love you anymore" Juice said abruptly then turned and marched back out the door.

You felt the colour drain from your face, you felt like you'd been slapped.

You watched him walk down the path and out into the streets. You wanted to run after him but you couldn't lift your feet. They were so heavy.

 _Why were they so heavy?_

He didn't love you anymore.

Tears began to stream down your cheeks. You fell to your knees as your heart ripped into pieces and sobs took over your body. Your mind repeated the words over and over.

 _I don't love you anymore.  
I don't love you anymore._

Juice got to the end of the street before he turned to the fence next to him and punched it rapidly, tears rolling down his cheeks. He had to fight the urge to run back to you. To run back and tell you he'd lied, and to pack your bags and come with him. But he couldn't. He loved you too much to let you leave with him. He'd made a deal, a deal that got him out of prison and away from the guys that were threatening to kill him. But now he was in more danger than he'd thought and if he let you come with him you'd be in danger too. He couldn't let anything happen to you. Not because of him. No, you needed to stay here and forget about him. He knew you wouldn't stay unless he hurt you. So he told you the one thing he knew would make you stay. His heart ached at the thought of you hurt, but he knew it would be better for you in the long run.

He slowly walked to his car and opened the door, his hands bloody from his attack on the fence. Glancing at his bags he'd packed and thrown in the backseat he frowned, hoping he'd done the right thing. He took a deep breath and started the car. He would drive, drive til he found a destination. He reached his hand up, flipping the sun guard down and smiled at the picture that was stuck there.

It was a picture of you, from a carnival you'd gone to last summer. You were laughing, the sun shining down on you and your hair blowing gently in the wind, a giant ball of cotton candy on a stick in your hands.

 _"I love you bubba. I will always love you"_ he whispered as he ran his fingers over your was the image stuck in his mind as he drove for hours. The tears never stopped rolling and his heart never left you as he headed towards Charming, California.


	2. Chapter 2

Rain poured down on your windscreen as you drove. _Since when did it rain in California?_

You sung quietly along with the music. You'd always liked driving, your mother used to take you on long road trips all the time to visit family.

"Are we there yet momma?" You heard your son say.

"Not yet _mi vida_ , not yet" you answered as you flicked your eyes to the rear view mirror, looking in the reflection at your son.

Leonardo Luciano Ortiz looked just like his father. He had big brown eyes, dark curly hair and golden Puerto Rican skin. His smile lit up the room and he was the wittiest three year old you'd ever met.

He kept you on your toes and with Leo in your life your days were never dull.

"Mommaa" he sang

"Yes Leo?" You asked laughing.

"Good boys get ice cream aye momma?"

"They sure do baby" you smirked, watching him in the mirror as he grinned just like his father.

"I'm a good boy momma"

"Yes you are mi sol, as soon as we get to Charming you can have two scoops of ice cream" you said.

"Two scoops! I'm a lucky boy!"

"Yes you are Leo, yes you are" you laughed back at your son who was grinning widely now, his hands clapping together.

Two weeks ago you'd gotten a phone call offering you a job at St Thomas Hospital in Charming California. It was a small town that you'd never heard of but you took the offer, desperate to get away from Queens and all the memories that haunted you. You weren't a nurse, you never did graduate high school but you'd be working as a receptionist. The pay wasn't great but the hours were which meant you could spend most of your time with Leo, and they even had a daycare on sight where he could go during the days while you worked.

You'd packed all your things into the car, only stopping to say goodbye to Nana Ortiz. Juices mother had helped you out raising your son, neither of you had heard from him since he left but you still loved him with all your heart.

"He loves you Querido" shed tell you often. You would smile sadly and rock your son to sleep. You had tried to get over him but every time you looked at your son you reminded of him. You never dated, you didn't have the time. And even if you had, no other guy could compare to Juice. He'd broken your heart when he left and you'd stopped turning up at school. The rumours had spread that you were pregnant after some classmates saw you at the supermarket and Scotty, juices friend, had shown up at your door and promised to help you. He even took a gap year after you gave birth, but he eventually had to leave for college. You still talked on the phone every week and Leo loved uncle Scotty dearly.

You had rung your father, hopeful that he would return home and help his little girl. But you had been naive. Those fish just kept on coming and apparently your father was the only fisherman in the world that could take on such a huge task.

He hadn't even come back when your son was born, and Leo had never met his grandfather.

Juices mother helped you raise him but she knew how hard it was for you to be in her house, with all the pictures of Juan scattered all over the walls. You still spent a lot of time there, you wanted Leo to know his family as you barely had any of your own anymore. She talked to him in Spanish and it had stuck, now you constantly calling him pet names like mi vida (my life). You'd named Leo after Juices grandfather Leonardo and chosen the middle name Luciano meaning 'the light' as he had certainly brightened your life. Since the day Juice had left you crying on the floor you had been a mess, your depression taking over your life. But the day little Leo was born you swore to always look after him and suddenly your days weren't so dark anymore. You still found yourself hoping every phone call you got was Juice, or every time someone knocked on your door it was him., telling you he'd made a mistake and he loved you and everything was going to be okay.

But it was never him at the door and it was never him on the other end of the phone.

You loved him as much as the day he left but you knew he wasn't coming back. Maybe one day, Leo could meet his father but it had been four years and you'd never heard a thing from Juan Carlos. You didn't even know if he was still alive.

You swallowed and shook your head, trying to forget the ghosts of your past as you looked out the window, driving past the welcoming sign.

 _'Welcome To Charming'_

Sunday morning. You woke to the sound of birds chirping and a light breeze blowing through your window. You stretched your arms out in front of you as you sat up and looked around your room.

Margaret, a senior at the hospital had offered you a place to live. A friend of hers owned a few rental properties and it just so happened one of them needed new tenants.

It was small, but it had everything you needed and it was in a nice quiet street.

You were lucky.

The white Walls were bare and you still had cardboard boxes scattered around. You yawned, stretching your arms widely and threw the covers back, slid out of bed and knelt, grabbing the robe of the floor. You wrapped it around your body and walked to the dresser, your fingers running over the glass of the only photo frame you had out. "Where'd you go Juan?" You whispered, tracing his face with your fingers.

You gently placed the photo back down and sighed. Your house was suspiciously quiet considering your roomie was a crazy three year old.

You walked to his room, your feet treading softly on the carpet.

A smile spread over your face as you watched him sleep. He looked so much like his father, it both broke your heart and warmed it.

You watched a little while longer before you turned and headed for the bathroom.

It had been a big week for little Leo and your little lion needed his rest.

Once you'd showered and dressed you went to the kitchen and started making breakfast. You'd just set the eggs on the bench when you heard the sound of little feet running through the house.

"Mommy mommy" he called

You went to the hallway to meet him and knelt as he ran into your arms.

"Good morning my little lion," you said as you lifted him and pressed kisses all over his face as he chuckled.

"Good morning my big mommy" he laughed.

"Big?!" You scoffed grinning as you moved your son to your hip and walked back into the kitchen.

"Yeah momma, your the big lion" he told you matter of factly.

"Alright baby. Are you ready to go to your new daycare tomorrow?" You asked him as you set him on the floor.

He ran up to the table and climbed on his chair, diving into his colouring books that had been left there from yesterday.

"Yeah mommy!"

 _Good_ , you thought as you turned and continued making breakfast for your little family of two.

You lifted the styrofoam cup to your lips and took a sip of your coffee as the doors slid open infront of you. You held Leo's hand with yours and walked through the doors. Following the signs you walked down to the Day Care centre at St Thomas Hospital. You signed him in and knelt down next to him.

"I'll see you later mi vida, you be a good boy and mommy will pick you up after work" you said as you adjusted his buttons and smoothed down his collar.

He grinned at you and rolled his eyes

"I'm always a good boy momma" he said.

You shook your head at his sass, smirking as you kissed his forehead.

"Bye little lion, I love you," you said as you stood and ruffled his hair.

"I love you too mommy" he said and walked away towards the other kids.

You sat at the front desk watching the clock. 3 hours left and you could pick up Leonardo and go home.

The doors opened and in walked four men. They all wore leather kuttes, and a sense of danger and mystery radiated off them. The front one was blonde and ridiculously handsome. He sauntered up to the desk and ran his eyes over you.

You raised your eyebrow "Can I help?"

"You new here darlin?" He asked, smirking at you.

Jesus Christ he was gorgeous. The other three guys looked over you, one was tall with black curly hair and piercing blue eyes. One was older with scars across his cheeks. The other was bigger, shaved head and cold dark eyes. He had a toothpick between his lips and he moved it side to side as he ran his eyes over your body.

"Mhmm, first day" you smiled up at him. You noticed the president patch on his leather. Impressive, he looked young.

His eyes met yours. Why did she look so familiar? He thought to himself.

"Mind telling me what ward Dr Knowles is in?" He asked you.

"She should be in her office, she just had a meeting"

"Thank you darlin" he winked at you and walked down the hall. The man with the scars and the one with curly black hair followed him, both winking at you.

The last one stayed and stared at you.

"You get eyes for Christmas?" You asked him, one eyebrow raised.

You saw a ghost of a smirk pass his lips and he leant over the desk, twirling the toothpick in his mouth with his tongue.

"What's your name?" He asked you.

Your breath caught at the sound of his raspy voice.

"(Y/n)" you told him "but if you'd looked at my name badge instead of staring at my tits you'd know that"

He smirked and looked at you, his dark eyes searching your face.

"Hap! Let's go!" The curly head man yelled.

Both your heads snapped as you saw the two men storming out of the hospital.

'Hap' looked back at you, rolling the toothpick along his lips before he spoke.

"See you round, little girl"

Leonardo was sitting next to a little blonde boy when you came to pick him up. You watched as they both played with the toy cars in front of them.

You smiled, glad to know your son had made a friend. Your son was a happy boy but he didn't get to spend much time with other kids back in Queens.

"You must be (y/n) (y/l/n)"

You turned and saw a woman standing there, brown hair and a warm smile on her face.

"Yeah, the one and only" you smiled back at her.

She laughed and held out her hand, you shook it.

"I'm Tara Knowles, the one and only" she smirked back at you "that's my son, Abel"

You turned and looked at the blond boy who was still playing with the cars, both him and Leo laughing together.

"And that's mine, Leo"

He turned at the sound of his name, his face lighting up when he saw you.

"Momma!" He cried and ran towards you, Abel doing the same when he saw Tara.

You both smiled and knelt, lifting the boys into your arms and turning towards the exit.

"You new in town?" Tara asked you.

"Yeah, moved here last week. Bit of a change from New York" you laughed.

"Tell me about it" Tara replied rolling her eyes. "It's a good town though, small, but the people are great"

"Yeah not to mention the sexy bikers" you said. One of the nurses had told you in the staff room that Tara was married to the blond biker that had came looking for her, Jackson Teller.

Tara laughed as you both walked towards your cars.

"Hey you should stop by the club sometime. A lot of those sexy bikers are single" she said smirking as she sat Abel in his car seat.

You laughed "thanks, but I'm not really on the market. This little guy takes up most of my time" you said as you buckled Leo into his car seat.

She nodded knowingly and opened her car door "Well the offer stands. See you tomorrow (y/n)"

"Yeah, see ya Tara" you said as you got in your seat and started the car.

She waved as she drove off and you smiled to yourself. Looks like you'd both made a new friend on your first day.

SAMCRO

The club was sat around the bar, enjoying a beer after the long day.

"Jax, you gotta ask Tara about that hot little lady behind the desk" Tig said as he passed a joint to his brother.

Jax laughed "Why don't you ask Hap?"

Everyone turned to Happy, who sat next to Juice.

"She's mine" was all he said as he stood and headed towards the dorms.

The guys all laughed.

"Shit man, what'd we miss?" Juice asked, him and Bobby exchanging looks, intrigued by the new girl at St Thomas.


	3. Chapter 3

"Did you eat all the Oreos?" You asked, one hand on your hip, the other clutching an empty box of your favourite biscuits.

Leo looked up at you with his big puppy dog eyes, chocolate and crumbs all over his face.

"No mommy, you ate them" he told you.

You raised your eye brow "Leonardo Luciano Ortiz, your momma didn't raise no liar" You said sternly, though there was a smirk forming on your face.

"Um. Okay mommy I might have had one" Leo told you guiltily. He looked at you, your face not moving. "Mommyyyy" he moaned, knowing he'd been caught.

You laughed and crouched over him and tickled his sides.

"Leo you little Cookie Monster!" You laughed.

"Mommy! Stop!" He chuckled. You tickled him a little longer before you stood.

"Go wash your face mi vida, then you can watch cartoons while mommy cooks tea"

He stood and ran towards the bathroom.

You dropped Leo off at his daycare, and started walking back to your desk.

 _"Shit_ " you mumbled as you realised you'd left your phone in your car. You rummaged through your bag looking for your keys as you left the building. You were still searching for them when you walked right into a man wearing leather.

You stepped back and looked up at the same face from yesterday.

"Sorry," you mumbled as you looked into his dark eyes.

A smirk ghosted his lips as he looked down at you, still playing with that damned toothpick in his lips.

You finally found your keys and grabbed them, stepping around the man.

He grabbed your wrists and you looked at him again, raising your eyebrows.

"Im Happy," he said. God his voice was sexy.

You smiled and nodded, before turning away and walking to your car. You grabbed your phone and headed towards the entrance. Happy was still standing there, watching you.

"You need something, Happy?" You asked him, tilting your head to the side.

He studied your face and licked his lips before he spoke.

"We're having a party on Friday. I want you there"

You laughed nervously. Confused.

"Look that's real nice of you bu-"

"Come with Tara" he interrupted you.

You looked down at your feet and nodded. You felt his fingers under your chin and he raised your head to look at him.

"I'll see you there little girl" he spoke softly, before he bent his neck and pressed his lips against yours softly.

He then turned suddenly and walked to his bike, leaving you standing there with a stunned look on your face.

 _'What the fuck just happened!_ ' Your mind screamed as you forced yourself to walk into your desk.

Your hands shook as you sunk into your seat, your mind racing a hundred miles an hour.

 _Maybe it was time to move on?_

The rest of the week flew by as you settled into your new job. You'd spent a lot of your breaks with Tara, she told you about the Club and she was surprised that Happy had caught your eye.

According to Tara he never really talked to anyone except the his brothers, he didn't even talk to the 'croweaters'- he just slept with them.

Even Jax had said to Tara that he'd never seen Happy act the way he was with a woman- especially one he barely knew.

Now it was Friday and you were on your fifth cup of coffee, trying- but failing, to calm your nerves about tonight. Tara had arranged for Leo to go with Abel to her house, where they had a nanny to look after them. You weren't sure what to expect from the night.

A part of you was excited to see Happy. It had been a long time since you had had someone else in your life and maybe it was time you let someone look after you, for once.

But you doubted he would be ready for a woman with a child, and if someone couldn't be on board with Leo, they weren't worth your time.

Plus who knows, maybe all he was after was some cheap hookup.

There was nothing wrong with that, you thought to yourself. You weren't exactly 'easy' but ever since Juan had left you'd practically been a virgin. It had been a while, and you'd be lying if you said you didn't miss being in the arms of a man.

And hey if you were gonna have a one night stand it may as well be with someone as sexy as Happy.

Once you'd finished work you drove home and made dinner before having a quick shower and getting changed.

You pulled on your tight, ripped black skinny jeans and your white laced crop top.

You brushed out your hair and decided to leave it out, before doing your makeup. You kept it simple, just doing a long black wing with your eyeliner and layering on the mascara.

You stood back and admired your reflection. You scrubbed up pretty well.

You quickly pulled your black boots on and walked into the lounge where Leo was watching cartoons.

"Momma you look pretty" he said to you.

"Well thank you baby" you smiled as you lifted him on to your hip.

You grabbed the remote and turned the tv off before walking out the door and locking it behind you. You buckled Leo into his seat and drove over to Tara's house.

 **SAMCRO**

Happy sat at the bar with a beer in his hands, ignoring the crow eaters that were pawing at him.

"Ah come on Hap, ya lass will be here soon" Chibs said slapping his shoulder.

Happy wasn't afraid that you wouldn't show. He knew you would. But he was nervous. Until you had his crow on you, you were fair game and he knew what his brothers were like. You were a hot piece of ass and the minute the guys saw you he knew they'd all be trying to take you home.

He sighed and stood, heading to the bathroom.

Juice and Tig watched him go and laughed.

"She must really be something to get the Killer nervous like this" Juice chuckled taking a swig of his beer.

Tig laughed beside him "she is man, she really is"

Jax joined in the laughter as Happy returned and they continued to tease him.

Tara pulled into the lot and parked the car. You got out of the passenger side nervously, playing with your hair. You could hear the music and could already see people standing around outside. Some were other members, some were girls wearing barely anything and throwing themselves at the men in leather.

Tara nudged your shoulder "(y/n) you look amazing, come on,"

You smiled at her and took a deep breath before walking beside her.

She opened the door and you followed her inside.

The music was loud and the scent of weed, sex and alcohol hit you immediately. Tara led you to the bar where Jax was now standing and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Hey darlin" he said kissing her before turning to you "look who showed"

You rolled your eyes at him and smirked as he passed you a beer.

You took a swig as you felt hands grab your waist. You turned slowly and smiled when you saw Happy smiling down at you.

"Hey stranger" you said

"Hey little girl" he said as he pressed a kiss to your lips.

Juice sat on the couch with Tig, both of them laughing as they teased one of the prospects.

"Look man she's here!" Tig hissed at Juice, spitting his beer over the table.

Juice couldn't see her through the crowd so they both stood, walking up to bar so they could meet the girl that had Happy hooked. Her back was to them and Happy had his arms wrapped firmly around her waist as they talked with Jax and Tara.

"Look who turned up" Tig shouted as they neared the couple.

Happy smirked and the girl turned in his arms.

Juice froze the minute he saw her face.

You turned around and smiled at 'Tig' he neared you with open arms but your eyes flickered over him to the man standing there staring at you.

Your whole body went numb and you dropped the beer you were holding as you met his gaze. The glass shattered on the floor, making people stare in your direction as you stood there, frozen, looking at the one face you never thought you'd see again.

"Juan?"

You body trembled as you stepped out of Happys arms, your eyes never leaving Juice's face.

Your boots crushed the broken glass on the floor.

He stared at you, his mouth open and his eyes wide.

"(Y/n)" he whispered as he stepped closer to you.

Happy screwed his face up and exchanged confused glances with Jax. The whole club was watching the two of you, staring at each other and creeping closer.

Tears started to form in your eyes.

"Juan," you whispered. Tears started to roll down your cheeks as he moved closer to you. Your knees felt week and you gulped, looking into his eyes.

He reached his hands out and held your face.

"Bubba.." He whispered, his voice cracking as his fingers wiped away your tears.

Something inside you snapped when you heard that. You stepped back and brought your hand to his cheek fast.

Your palm collided with his cheek and a lot smacking sound echoed around the room.

He grabbed his cheek and stared at you, guilt all over his face.

Your mouth was dry and tears poured down your face. You stepped back again before turning towards Happy. You couldn't look at him but you felt his eyes burning into you as you leant over and grabbed your bag.

"I'm sorry" you whispered, your voice cracking as you turned and ran out of the clubhouse.


	4. Chapter 4

Happy watched you leave before turning to Juice, who was frozen in place holding his cheek.

The club exchanged glances.

"What the fuck Juice?" Jax asked, breaking the silence.

Juice snapped his head up and shook his head at his brothers before he ran out the door after you.

You hadn't stopped running and tears streamed down your face as your feet hit the pavement.

Just keep going. You just had to keep going. Maybe then this nightmare would disappear.

You heard your name being shouted but you kept going, your mind racing. Juice was here. In Charming. Jesus Christ. Your mind went to Leo and you ran faster. What were you going to do? You were just at his clubhouse. Shit, you'd just had your tongue down his brothers throat.

He didn't even know Leo existed. How was he gonna react?

He was here.

You turned the corner and leaned against a tree, holding your hand to your chest as you tried to catch your breath. You looked up at the sky. How were you going to fix this?

He was the ghost that haunted your dreams for so many nights now. You had dreamt for so long that you would see him again but you never truly believed it was possible.

And now here, in the middle of your new life, he just walked back in.

All the heartbreak, the memories, everything you had been trying to forget, all the pain you had left behind you in Queens had escaped.

It hit you like a slap in the face and you were overcome with emotion.

He had been your home, you had built your whole life around him and when he left he took everything. He took your love and your light, he left you homeless and broken, surrounded by the walls of the empty house you once shared.

It was a miracle you'd made it out alive and the only thing that kept you going was your son.

Your son that he knew nothing about.

 _Fuck._

Fuck, he looked so happy.

How dare he abandon you like that, leave you crying on the floor and destroy your idea of love and run away.

And be happy.

You had been broken for years and here he was, in California building a new life and forgetting all about the girl he had destroyed back home.

Juice ran faster, determined to catch up to you. He turned the corner and saw you leaning against a tree, still as beautiful as the day he'd left, despite the tear stains down your cheeks. He slowed his pace and walked up to you slowly.

You turned your head and saw Juice looking at you.

"Juan.. What the fuck?" You cried as tears began falling down your cheeks again.

He walked closer to you and wrapped his arms around you. He smelt like leather and weed and you sobbed into his chest, clutching the leather kutte.

He stroked your hair as his own tears fell.

"Let me explain, please (y/n)"

You pulled back and looked into the brown eyes that had haunted your dreams for the last four years.

"You left me" you whispered.

Tears ran down his cheeks as he nodded.

"Please (y/n) let me explain to you"

You let go of his leather and stepped back, nodding slowly.

 **SAMCRO**

Happy sat at the bar, tossing another shot down his throat.

"Who is she?" Tig asked no one in particular.

Happy said nothing as he poured another shot.

Tara cleared her throat.

"(Y/n) (y/l/n), she just moved here from New York"

"Queens?" Jax asked

Tara nodded, looking at her old man.

"Ah shit" Chibs spoke, all heads turned to him.

"Juicy boy told me about a her once. He loved her but he left once he got into trouble with that club. I didn't know it was the lass from the hospital" he said as he too took a shot.

"Shit. She's the one in his wallet. I thought she looked familiar" said Jax.

He'd seen a photo of you in Juices wallet a year ago. He had asked Juice about it and he had smiled sadly and said it was his old lady. That was the first and the last time he'd ever spoken about her.

Happy stood up and stormed to his dorm, all the brothers watched as he slammed the door.

With shaking hands you opened the door to your home.

Leo was still at Tara's with the sitter and you hadn't known where else to bring Juan to talk.

You stepped inside and Juice followed you, his eyes watching you carefully.

You sat on the sofa and stared ahead, not allowing yourself to look at him.

Thank god some of his OCD had rubbed off on you in the past, none of Leo's toys were around and you said a silent thank you to yourself. That was one conversation you weren't ready to have yet.

Not that you were even ready for this one.

Juice sat on the sofa next to you, he reached out and grabbed your hand.

Part of you wanted to yank your hand away. How dare he touch you, after all these years.

But another part of you, a much bigger part craved the affection.

God you had been in love with him for so long now that you had to fight the urge to forget everything that had happened and live happily ever after.

But it wasn't that simple.

It never was.

You turned your body towards him and met his gaze.

"(Y/n).. I.. I'm sorry. Look the day I got out, I got out early because I made a deal. The club I was working for found out. They were going to come after me. I had to protect you"

"Protect me? Protect me!" You shouted, standing up. "You broke my heart Juan! You left me crying on the floor! How was that protecting me?"

Juice stood up to "It was the only way (y/n) , they would have come after you too, they would have killed you" he said raising his voice.

"Did they kill you, Juan?! Huh? No! You look pretty fucking alive to me."

"They wouldn't have killed me Juan, YOU killed me! Do you have any idea how it felt when you walked out on me? To hear you say that you didn't love me? Fuck Juan did you ever love me?" You shouted, tears falling again as you paced across the living room.

He nodded "Bubba I have loved you since the day I met you. I have!" He shouted when you started to protest "I loved you that night at that party and I loved you the day I left. I still fucking love you (y/n), I never stopped"

Sobs took over your body and Juice walked over to you, taking you into his arms.

You let him wrap his arms around you.

"I love you (y/n). I'm sorry I left you, I won't ever leave you again" he whispered.

You looked up at him, your eyes red and puffy.

He had no idea just how bad things had been when he left. He had no idea that he didn't just leave you, he left your unborn child. He had no idea that his son even existed.

You sighed. It was now or never.

"Juan, when you left-"

"(Y/n) please" he interrupted you.

"No Juan Carlos, listen to me." You gulped and reached up to touch his face.

"When you left, I was pregnant"

Happy sat on his begin is dorm room staring at the ceiling.

You were with Juice?

Jealousy burned within him.

He had never met anyone like you, you were so captivating. You seemed to light up a room and you were so goddamn beautiful. He couldn't get your eyes out of his mind as he stared at his hands. The hands that had hurt so many people, the hands that had taken lives, the hands that belonged to a killer.

You wouldn't want to be with him anyway, the things he'd done..

You deserved better.

He sighed standing up and heading to the bathroom.

Juice stared at you.

His face blank and unreadable.

"You were pregnant?" He asked, his voice cracking.

You gulped and nodded. Shit, maybe you shouldn't have told him.

"(Y/n) I-"

"No it's okay Juan. You didn't ask for this, I just thought you had the right to know. Look il find another job, we can be out of your life soon"

"I have a kid?" He whispered still staring at you.

"You have a son" you smiled at him softly.

"Juan it's okay, you didn't know. We will leave. We'll go back to Queens. We-"

"I have a son" Juice whispered.

You met his gaze.

A smile began to spread on his face.

"I have a son?!" He said again.

You watched his face change. He wasn't angry. Why wasn't he angry?

"Bubba if I'd known, I never would have left you"

"But you did Juan. Maybe that's my fault. Maybe I should have told you that day. Maybe not. The point is you did leave. But this isn't just about you and me anymore. I need to put him first" you said, squeezing his hand.

"I want to meet him. If that's okay" he murmured softly.

"Uh yeah of course" you replied, clearing your throat nervously.

You didn't expect that he would want to meet him. You had shown Leo photos of Juice before, he knew who his father was but you never thought you would actually have to introduce them one day. You never thought you'd see Juice again, yet here you were.

"I'm so sorry" Juan said as he pulled you into him.

You sighed. You were too tired to argue with him again. You were still hurt, of course you were. Nothing he said could change that. But you had to think of Leo, he had a right to know his father. You couldn't stand in the way of that.

"Juan, you can meet him. But I need to know.. If you want to be a part of his life you can't leave again. You can't walk out on him. I know this is a lot to take in but I need to know that you want this. That you really want this. I won't let you leave him like you left me. If your going to be in his life you need to be a constant" you said to him, looking into his eyes.

"(Y/n) I will do anything for him. Please, let me meet my son"

You nodded and smiled at him.

"He's at Tara's with the nanny. I.. I can go pick him up if you want to meet him now?"

Juice nodded and grinned at you.

God how you'd missed that smile.

"What about us?" He whispered.

"This isn't about us anymore Juan. This is about Leo"

"Leo?" Juice smiled at you.

You smiled back. "Leonardo Luciano Ortiz"

His smile grew wide as he head his sons full name.

"Your mom helped me name him. You should call her Juan, she misses you"

"You've been hanging with my mom?!" Juice asked, his eyes wide.

You laughed as you stood and grabbed your keys.

"Yes Juan, and she's shown me aaall your naked baby photos" you smirked at him as you reached for the door, laughing at the blush on his face. "I'm gonna go get Leo. Wait here"

Your mind raced as you drove to Tara's.

Were you making a mistake?

Maybe you should just get grab Leo and drive back to Queens.

He had left you, maybe now it was your turn.

No.

No, Juan deserved to know his son, and Leo deserved a father.

You were a great mother, loving and devoted. You would do anything for your son but it had taken a toll on you trying to play the role of a father too.

You sighed as you opened the window, welcoming the cold fresh air as it filled the car.

What a night!

You'd never expected to see Juan at the club, you'd only gone to see Happy.

Shit!

 _Happy!_

You felt awful. You had really liked the guy and had enjoyed the short time you'd spent with him. He made you feel safe. Maybe in a different world, maybe at a different time, you could have really tried with him.

But not now, it was never going to happen. Juan owned your heart. He always had. With him back in the picture, no one else stood a chance. Not that he was gonna get you back easy, no way.

You pulled into Tara's driveway and turned off your car.

You got out, shutting the car door before walking up and knocking lightly.

The nanny you'd met earlier answered and let you in.

"Mommy!" Leo shouted and ran towards you.

"Hello mi vida" you smiled at him and pulled him into your arms, kissing his cheeks and sitting him on your hip. "Say goodbye to Abel baby"

"Bye Abel baby!" Leo called out, making you laugh.

You said your goodbye to the nanny and walked out, loading Leo into his car seat.

You sat in your seat and started the car.

"Did you have a good night?" You asked him.

"I did mommy. Abel has cool toys"

"I bet he does. Mommy has a surprise for you at home." You said, suddenly nervous.

"For me?! Ooh I hope it's a horse!"

You laughed.

"A horse Leonardo? Where are you gonna keep a horse?"

"In my wardrobe mom" He said, as if it was obvious.

"Leo do you remember when I told you about your daddy?" You asked.

"You love daddy" he told you. You nodded and smiled softly.

"I do baby. Your daddy is at home and he wants to meet you," you told him, looking at him in the mirror.

His face lit up and he smiled the same smile Juice had.

"Daddy?!"

"Yeah baby. Your daddy"

Juice sat nervously on your couch. He heard your car pull up and he stood. His hands were shaking.

 _He had a son?!_

He couldn't believe it.

You opened the door and stepped inside, closing it softly as you held Leo to your hip. You walked into the lounge and saw Juice standing there nervously. He had put all your remotes in order and moved all your cushions so they were lined perfectly with the couch.

The stack of magazine that had been strewn across your coffee table now sat in a neat pile. He was definitely nervous.

"Leo," you spoke softly to your son, who had suddenly turned shy and tucked himself into your neck. "Leo this is your father, Juan"

You felt him shift in your arms and he looked at Juice.

Juice looked at the little boy in your arms. '

He looked at his big brown eyes and his dark curls.

"Hey little man," he said as he stepped closer, looking at you for reassurance before he reached his arms out, holding Leo's back softly.

You nodded and shifted Leo on your hip so he could see his father properly.

"Hi" Leo squeaked quietly.

You smiled.

In the short time that your son had been on this earth one thing he had never been was shy.

You grabbed Juices hand and led him to the couch, where you both sat down and you placed Leo between you.

Leo looked up at you and you smiled at him, encouraging him.

He turned and looked at Juice.

You watched Juice as he studied your son.

"You're my dad" Leo said.

You both laughed.

"Yeah little man, I'm your dad" Juice said, beaming.

"Mommy loves you" Leo told him.

You blushed as you felt Juices eyes on you, smiling widely.

"I love your mommy" Juice told him, his eyes never leaving your face.

"I've missed you daddy" Leo said as he moved into Juices lap and wrapped his little arms around his neck.

Tears formed in your eyes as you met Juices gaze.

"Yeah, I've missed you too Leo"


	5. Chapter 5

The smell of coffee and pancakes filled your house and you sang while you moved around the kitchen.

Juice had helped you put Leo to bed last night and then you had stayed up late talking before he went back to the clubhouse.

You had agreed to take Leo there this morning, Juice wanted to introduce him to the club and spend more time with him.

You were nervous but had agreed as it meant you had a chance to talk to Happy.

Juice hadn't mentioned him but you felt guilty. You knew you had to explain.

Leo already loved Juice, you could tell and you weren't surprised.

Despite being exhausted from last nights events you'd found it hard to sleep so you'd gotten up early, making a big breakfast for Leo.

You were worried about how all of this was going to effect him.

Maybe you were wrong to have introduced them so early. But fear of history repeating itself had played a large part in your decision and you wanted to bring the two together. Just incase. Incase Juan left again before you had the chance.

You knew what the club life was like, Tara had warned you, and even Juice had warned you.

But there was no way you could live without Juan in your life. Not anymore.

You served a plate of pancakes, with bacon and blue berries and laid it on the table in front of Leo.

He put his hands to his face and gaped at you. "Wow mommy!"

You laughed at him, "Thank you mi vida. Eat up"

You quickly served your own plate with a big cup of coffee before sitting and joining your son.

"Where's daddy?" Leo asked you.

"He's at his clubhouse baby. We'll go there after breakfast, he wants to introduce you to his family"

You smiled as his face lit up.

Once breakfast was done and Leo 'helped' you with the dishes (he tried to sit in the sink) you took him to get changed out of his wet clothes.

"Mommy?" He asked you as you pulled his shirt over his head.

"Leo?"

"Can I get my hair like daddy's?"

You laughed and ruffled his curly brown hair, imagining him with a Mohawk.

"Not in a million years mi vida" you smiled, kissing his forehead.

Juice sat at the bar next to Chibs, a mug of hot coffee in his hands. He had told them all about his son and they were all excited to meet him.

Chibs had always been a fatherly figure to him in the club and he was the first person Juice had told about Leo when he got back last night.

"So what's going on with the two of yeh then juicy boy?" Chibs asked him.

"I dunno man. I love her. But I hurt her real bad, she needs time"

Chibs nodded.

"She said we can work on it. But Leo comes first"

"Aye, she's a smart lass son" Chibs slapped his shoulder and both of them turned as Happy walked out of the hallway.

He nodded towards his brothers and went to the kitchen.

Juice sighed and stood up, following him.

"Look man, I'm sorry" Juice sad, rubbing his head.

Happy turned and stared at him, not saying anything.

"There's a lotta history there man," Juice said, nerves growing.

"Do you love her?" Happy growled.

Juice turned his head and met Happys cold gaze. "I do man. I do"

Happy nodded and stepped past him, he reached the door before he stopped and turned.

"If you hurt her I'll kill you"

You pulled into the lot of TM, killed the engine and hopped out. It was a warm day in Charming, the sun was burning down and there was a gentle breeze blowing your hair.

You were wearing your denim shorts, forgetting how short they actually were, and an old band Tshirt that fit you perfectly.

You reached into the car and got Leo out.

He had insisted on wearing his black jeans and his 'Ramones' Tshirt and you had to admit, he looked pretty cool.

You grabbed his hand as you locked the car and led him towards the club house.

There was a member sitting outside, you didn't recognise him but his patch read Tacoma. You smiled at him as you walked past him, grabbing the door and pulling it open.

You stepped inside and saw all the other members sitting around the club house. They all turned to look at you and you felt yourself blush. Juice stood up and walked towards you.

"Daddy!" Leo yelled and ran towards him.

Juice knelt down and picked him up "hey little man!" He cooed at him, grinning widely.

He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and kissed your cheek, you smiled and he led you to his brothers.

You felt a lot of eyes on you and you met the stares, smiling at each of them and knowing they would have a lot of questions.

"Guys this is (y/n), and this" Juice grinned "is our son, Leonardo Luciano Ortiz"

Leo looked around at all the men wearing leather and looked at you.

You leant towards him, knowing that look on his face that meant he had a question.

"Mommy can I have a jacket like theirs?"

Everyone laughed and you rolled your eyes, Juice beaming at you.

"Maybe when your fifty mi vida," you told him, smiling lovingly.

Your eyes scanned the room until you met Happys cold gaze. He was standing at the back leaning against the bar, toothpick in his mouth and cleaning a gun and not bothering to look at the new family that everyone else was watching.

You left Leo with Juice and walked over to him.

"Hey Happy,"'you said nervously.

He rolled the toothpick along his lips and looked at you with those dark eyes.

"What are you doing little girl?"

Your breath caught at the his words. You didn't know if it was his rough gravelly voice or the name he had called you and either way you didn't really care but damn did it turn you on.

You sighed and sat in a stool next to him.

"Can we talk?"

He stared at you before he nodded, stood and grabbed your hand, leading you outside.

Juice watched and felt jealousy burn within him, his eyes followed you til the door shut behind you, then Leo grabbed his attention again.

Happy led you to the picnic table, which was now empty and you sat on top of it while he stayed standing.

He didn't say anything, just watched you and played with his toothpick.

"I'm sorry Happy" your voice shook as you stared down at your hands. Jesus, he wasn't making this easy for you.

"Me and Juan.. There's a lot of history there. I didn't know he was here. I haven't heard from him in four years. If I'd known I-" you stopped, unable to get your words out.

Happy stepped closer to you and ran his fingers along your cheek. You looked up at him and saw his jaw clenching. God this man was sexy.

You bit your lip as he lifted your chin.

"Do you love him?" He growled.

You eyes met his and you nodded.

"I do"

Happy didn't say anything else, just nodded and leant towards you.

He pressed a kiss softly to your lips and you moaned gently.

He pulled back from you and studied your face.

"If he hurts you, I'll kill him" he growled before he stalked back inside.

Juices head snapped as he heard the door open and Happy walked in.

He met his gaze and nodded, before going back to the bar and his gun cleaning.

A minute later you walked back inside. You walked and sat next to Juice, who was laughing at Tig and Chibs play with Leo.

"You okay bubba?" He asked you quietly.

You smiled and nodded.

Your mind raced. Were you okay?

Not really.

You'd been in love with Juice for years. You had no doubt in your mind that you loved him. So why did you feel so empty after talking to Happy? That kiss had sent fire burning through your body and you couldn't keep your mind off him.

You loved Juan. You knew you did.

 _But were you falling for Happy too?_

You sat at the bar with Tig laughing together. The two of you had become close over the last few months.

"Hey (y/n)?" He asked you, his face growing serious now.

You looked at him and smiled "What's up Tiggy?"

"What's going on? With you and Juice?"

You sighed.

You weren't really sure yourself. You'd been spending a lot of time together, he even crashed at your house a lot- on the couch that is.

"I dunno Tiggy. Honestly? I wish I could hate him for the way he left me. Except that I don't. I wish I did- fuck I wish I could. Maybe that's what real love is.. Not hating someone when you should" you sighed and took a sip of your beer.

"He loves you, doll." Tig told you, wrapping his arm around you.

"I know," you nodded.

You had tried to forget what had happened, but how could you forget four years?

You understood his reasons for leaving. It was selfish and stupid but you understood.

But he knew where you were.

He could have called you, just once. Just to say that he was alive, cause god only knows how many sleepless nights you spent with tear stained cheeks, shouting to the stars, begging them to bring you home safely.

You still loved him, of course you did. But lately you were beginning to wonder if it was enough. If it could ever be enough.

Juice walked in as you finished your beer and smiled when he saw you.

"Hey Bubba, where's Leo?" He asked as he kissed your cheek.

"He's outside with Abel and Chibs" you smiled at him.

He reached down and squeezed your hand "Can we talk?" He asked you.

You nodded, turning to kiss Tigs cheek and whispering a thank you before you followed Juice to his dorm.

He shut the door softly behind you and you sat on his bed.

"(Y/n).. What are we doing?" He asked you softly.

You sighed and looked up at him as he came to stand in front of you.

"I don't know Juan" you told him truthfully.

"I love you (y/n). I do and I'm sorry that I left you"

"Juan stop. Stop apologising. I get it okay? Yeah it still hurts but I will get over it. You're here now. Leo needs you" you smiled at him.

He knelt in front of you and grabbed your hands.

"Do you love me?" He asked you.

"I do Juan." You whispered, your voice shaking. "You know I do."

"Are you in love with me?" He asked you, whispering now too.

You felt tears roll down your cheeks.

"Juan" you whispered, squeezing his hands. "I've been in love with you since the day I met you. But I.." You stopped as sobs began to take over your body.

"I think I got used to loving someone that wasn't here" you cried.

He pulled you into his chest as you sobbed, patting your hair gently.

"I know bubba. I love you, so much (y/n), I do" he said, tilting your face so he could look at you. "But it doesn't feel the same anymore" his voice cracked and tears began to form in his eyes.

You sobbed into his chest, feeling your heart break all over again.

Deep down you knew this was coming.

Too much had happened, too much time had passed, too much had changed.

You still loved him with every inch of your soul but you were realising maybe it was a different kind of love.

Maybe you loved him as your best friend, as the father to your child, as a memory of a time when you were breathtakingly happy.

"I love you Juan, I always will" you sobbed as you held his face between your hands.

"I know bubba. I will always love you" he whispered.

You wiped the tears falling from his cheeks and you both sat like that, wrapped in each other's arms.

"What happens now?" You ask him.

"I don't know (y/n)," he whispered, smiling.

"I forgive you Juan, for leaving. You need to know that"

He looked down at you and smiled sadly, before kissing your cheek.

"I know (y/n), I know"

SIX MONTHS LATER

Six months had passed and you were a lot happier. You and Juice had decided to remain just friends.

It was hard sometimes, you admitted, you still had feelings for him buried deep inside but you knew it was best to stay friends.

He still came over nearly every night, eating Chinese with you and Leo, or even watching him so you could pick up extra shifts at work. Things were good.

There was a party tonight at the clubhouse, the Tacoma charter was coming down so it was supposed to be big.

You had agreed to go with Juice, you missed hanging out with the guys.

You dropped Leo off at Tara's house, where she was staying with Abel and drove over to TM.

You pulled in and rolled your eyes. Juice hadn't told you just how big this party was going to be.

The lot was full of motorcycles and men, all wearing leather. There were more crow eaters here than normal.

If there were this many people outside, you knew inside would be even more crowded. You got out of the car, making sure to lock it.

The music was loud and you could barely hear it over the sound of laughter and voices.

You smiled and headed inside.

"(Y/n)!" You heard a name shout as you neared the entrance to the club house.

You laughed as a very drunk Tig came charging at you and picked you up by the waist.

"Hey Tiggy" you grinned at your friend.

"You look stunning" he slurred as he put you down and slapped your ass, causing you to laugh again.

"Thank you Alex" you winked at him and twirled, showing off your outfit while he pretended to take photos with an imaginary camera.

Juice was sitting at the bar and he got up when he saw you. He greeted you and led you to Opie and a pretty blond girl.

"(Y/n) this is Lyla" juice told you

"I've heard so much about you!" Lyla smiled at you.

You laughed and raised your eyebrows at Juice who blushed, and Opie who just shrugged.

"I'm sure you have"

"Cmon, let's get a drink" Lyla grabbed your hand and led you to the bar.

Juice sat next to Happy and looked at him.

"Hey, Killer?"

Happy looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Look Hap, I know you like her"

Happy grunted and Juice rolled his eyes.

"Why haven't you made a move? You know that me and her are just friends. You've barely even talked to her"

That was true. Happy had kept his distance despite knowing you and Juice weren't together.

Happy grunted and rolled his toothpick between his lips.

"Do you still love her?" He growled.

Juice sighed and looked at his hands.

"I will always love her Hap. But we can't be together, we both know that. If you want to be with her, you should go for it. She deserves to be happy" he put an emphasis on the last word and smiled goofily at his pun.

They both looked at you, laughing at the bar with Lyla.

Happy nodded slowly and slapped Juices shoulder.

"Thank you, brother" he said as he stood.

"But Hap," Juice said before Happy walked away.

He turned at looked at Juice, waiting for him to continue.

 _"_ _If you hurt her, I'll kill you"_


End file.
